Learn by Creating

In the past I have talked about writing your own story, and not letting other write your story without your consent, but I haven’t talked to you about a fun way to do that.  I am finding that I love to write and tell stories, I should have known, but I guess I never took the time to really discover that I liked it.  One of the ways I like to write stories is by people watching.  It is one of my favorite past times, and it is also something that I my family likes to do.  Honest- the girls in my family went on a cruise and developed a whole back story for a family that we saw there; including fake names, majors in college, jobs and hobbies.  It was so much fun and the best part was that we saw this family EVERY where we went. If we were at the pool they were there.  They went to the same places for dinner and shows at the same time; we were even on the same little boat to get off at one of the destinations.  I know that a cruise ship isn’t that big, but we saw these guys everywhere.

Our ability to write stories gave us a really fun story to tell people when we got home, and it is something that still comes up on a regular basis.  When writing your own story you may need to practice writing what a story should be like?  Is it a happy story or a sad story; your story should be happy but we all have obstacles to overcome that may be sad so you have to be comfortable writing the sad parts as well.  Writing your story is something that will be continuous, and you can change it as many times as you like, you just have to keep writing it. Just like in all other aspects of your life practice makes perfect; so I challenge you to go and write a story.

I am not talking about sitting down with a pen and paper and starting with “once upon a time;” though most of my stories start that way. Go someplace where you can see a bunch of people, preferably a place where you don’t know anyone; and start writing a story for them.  Here are some examples of the stories I am writing just by looking at the people around me – again, just stories.

• A woman just walked in who looks like she is in her late thirties, she just got done at the gym and is grabbing some food before she has to pick her kids up.  She is a loving mother and had a fun filled afternoon ready for the kids.  They are going to go to the zoo and then make homemade pizza with faces on them for dinner!
• There is a teenage couple sitting two booths from me, they are adorable and sharing food off of each other’s plate.  They were hugging when they first came in because they don’t get to see each other very often, so today is a special day.  They are going to spend all day together and do something ridiculous like finger paint with her little sister, or get into a food fight.
• A little girl in a pink pea coat is being carried by her dad.  She has a cast on her leg because she recently broke it because she was in her princess gown and trying to ride her dog, needless to say it didn't go well.  Her has is white and will soon be cover in awesome designs as her mom is an artist and is going to decorate the cast for her daughter.

I have no idea if any other these things are true, but you can learn a lot about yourself by the stories that you create for others.  From the first story you can probably gather that I want to be a mom and do all the fun things that you can do with kids, but if you do them by yourself it’s a little odd.  The second story is about young love, something all people want- even if they aren’t young.  The third story is just about a cute family and a little girl in pink, how could you not write about a little girl in a pink pea coat!

I encourage you to try this experiment and see what the themes in your stories are?  You may find out things about yourself that you didn’t even know.  You may also find that there are something that you didn’t know you wanted, or themes in your life that you haven’t finished dealing with.  Writing stories is all about how you see the world, and the power you give yourself to write you own story.  Practice your stories and make the reality- live happily ever after.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

10 Ways I Change the World

“Waiting on the world to change” by John Mayer is one of my favorite songs. I love the way I feel when I hear it and that it makes me want to go into action.  Even though the song states that we are just waiting, I believe that we are just waiting to see the affects of what we have done become more visible. Just because we haven’t found a cure for world hunger, people are now aware that this is a major issue – thus we are just waiting on the world to change completely.  Sometimes it is hard to wait to see the progress take hold, and there have been many people who will not see the impact they have left until they are gone; for the most part, many famous artists didn’t become famous until many years after they have died.  I don’t want to wait until I am dead for people to look back and see the impact I have made.

Yes, you read that correctly.  The impact I have made.  I know right now for a fact that I have influenced other people’s lives, and I know that I may not have played a major role in their lives, but I know I played a part.  Part of changing the world is knowing that you can make a difference and that you will make a difference!  I know that I will make a difference because I know I already have.

Here is a list of ten ways I know how I have made a difference- I dare you to write your own

1.  I helped plan and execute a national conference that people love coming to, they take what they have learned and implement it in their schools, helping the students that are there. I many not know ANY of these kids, but by helping with the execution of the conference, their teacher was able to enjoy the workshops, and bring the change to their school. My effort has changed the world.
2. I have surrounded myself with people who like to help others.  By having these people in my life I have also been able to help others when I have been invited to speak, work with, or just be a sounding board.  My time has helped change the world.
3. I am fortunate enough to be able to donate money to causes that I believe in.  I have been able to support my friends as they walk to find a cure, bike to raise money, or just ask me to help support a local group.  My money has changed the world
4. I write a blog that I love, and that I hope others love as well. I know my words may not be wise, and sometimes a little unorganized, but I have received comments from readers who say that I have helped with a situation in their life.  My writing has changed the world.
5. I come from a family or rock stars.  We were taught that if you want to make a change, you have the power to do it.  If you want to make a difference, you can’t wait for others to do it; you need to be a part of it as well.  My family has changed the world.
6. I have spent countless hours working with a group of teenage girls help work in their skill.  Some loved me, and I know some didn’t love me, but they all knew that I was there for them and that I wanted them to succeed.  I may not have changed all of their worlds, but I know that when they look back, I will have had an impact on some of them.  My coaching has changed the world.
7. I love to laugh and I love to make others feel better.  I had had days where I didn’t know if what I was doing was the right thing, or just needed a pep talk- it is these days when I receive notes from my friends saying that I am the one the puts a smile on their face when they are down, and my ability to help others makes them feel comfortable helping me.  My love has changed the world.
8. I have an open mind and this has allowed me to meet some of the most amazing people.  My open mind has allowed me to overlook stereotypes and see people for who they are, not who society portrays them to be.  My tolerance had changed the world.
9.  I have a voice and I tend to use it – some may say too much.  I have used my words to teach others about things that I feel passionately about.  I have made people realize that they are not alone in the world, and that there are people who care for them and want to help.  My voice has changed the world.
10. I get out of bed everyday looking to see the good in things.  Even when I am down and not feeling like I am on the right path I know that I am living with purpose and that I am making a difference.  My life is changing the world.

I know that I am making a change because I want to make a change.  You too can make a change in any aspect of your life.  Big or small you have the power to create change, and I am sure if you sit down and think about it you are changing the world in ways you probably never knew.  Just by reading this blog you are changing my world. 

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

enjoy the process

We all have days when we think that we aren’t making any progress.  Days where we can see where we want to go but are questioning if the amount of work that need to be executed to achieve that goal is going to worth it in the end; I know I have feelings like this sometimes, and some days it is harder to see the vision you have than others.  It is the days when you do not know if what you are doing is right that are the most important to reaching your final goal.

The cool thing about goal setting is that it can change… your goals can change.  Remember when you were five and you wanted to grow up to be a princess, or a knight; or an ice cream man; I am sure that for many of us these are no longer our goals – but if you ever find an opening for a princess let me know.  As we grow and change our goals grow and change with us.  Just because you wanted to achieve something one day doesn’t mean that you won’t find something great or more fulfilling for you to accomplish.

Dreaming and goal setting are such an import part to becoming the person that you want to be, just don’t get so caught up in the future that you forget to enjoy the present.  This is something I know I need to work on – I tend to see what I want the outcome to be that I forget to enjoy the process.  The process is what gets us to the final destination; it is the process that allows us to feel the accomplishment of reaching the final goal.  It is also the process that allows us to become discouraged.

I am one of those people who tend not to enjoy the process, and this is something that I work ok. I want to get to the end result, but sometimes the effort to get there becomes more of a burden than an enjoyment.  Here are some things that I have done to allow me to enjoy the process that is allowing me to reach my goal:

• ·         I set mini goals, so I feel like I am always  making progress toward the end goal
• ·         If I don’t feel like working that day, I don’t push myself, I don’t want to hate my goal
• ·         I look at my goal regularly to see if it is still something I want to work toward and make a list as to why I want that goal
• ·         I ask for help from others when I feel like I am in over my head or that they have a gift that can help me
• ·         I remember  “a setback is a setup from a comeback”

I know that these ideas may not work for everyone but I have found that when I am in need of some motivation I look to see what others are doing and see what I can learn from them.  I don’t know many feels that are greater than accomplishing a goal, but being able to enjoy the process that allows you to reach that goal make the attainment so much sweeter. You can achieve your goals, I know you can do it, and if you ever need a little bit of encouragement, I am always here to help.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

Shine like the moon

I love quote books, I probably have twenty of them.  I have a pintrest board dedicated to sayings I love; I have a page on my website that has quotes I am inspired by.  The reason quotes are so special to me is because the good ones remind me why I do what I am doing and they say it in such a pretty way.  I think I read quotes every day; some are good, some need some work, but I find great value in others words- and I hope that there are people in the world that find value in my words.  Today’s quote is “the moon could not go on shinning if it paid attend to the little dogs that bark at it” –anonymous.

How many times have you had an idea, or done something that you thought was amazing but the “little dogs” barked at you and you began to question if what you did was the right thing? I know I have done this before, but I still struggle with this sometimes.  We all need to be validated in what we are doing and that what we are doing wont mess up the rest of our lives.  I decided to move without consulting anyone, but I had to make sure my parents and friends supported me before I actually left, I needed someone to tell me that this wasn’t going to be the biggest mistake of my life.

Taking the risk to make this move was me trying to shine, but I was letting the little dogs that live inside me head bark and bark and bark. I love shining, just ask anyone who knows me, I like to be the center of attention and glitter is my best friend – I like to sparkle; but even I struggle with being able to shine like the moon.  To me be able to shine like the moon is knowing that you will be just as beautiful and brilliant day after day.  Shining like the moon is a constant, not just on the days that you feel like it. Even on the nights when you cannot see the moon you know it is there, and you know that I will come back. 

Being like the moon is not an easy thing to do, but I know that we all can do it.  The moon has cycles and some days it shines brighter than others, and occasionally the clouds or city lights get in the way of the glow of the moon; just like how we sometimes let the bad things we think are happening in our life get in the way of allowing us to see all the good that we have in our lives.  This past weekend my family came down to help me move in, I spent most of Sunday morning crying because I knew they were leaving and that I was going be alone and miss them greatly, I was letting the clouds block the moon; but we went to breakfast and there were these two little red headed girls that were giggling at their dad, which made me laugh, it was at this point where I had a break in the clouds and I could see the moon shining.

Sometimes we let the loudness of the dogs barking and the clouds that are around us stop us from shining and showing the world how amazing we are.  We all need to shine, and hopefully we will shine a little brighter today than we did yesterday.  The moon is an amazing thing that everyone in the world enjoys and love, and you are also an amazing being that everyone in your world enjoys and loves.  Be the moon, shine bright even when the dogs are barking and the clouds get in the way; because you and I both know how amazing and beautiful you are.

Shine like the moon,

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay 

Change, Change, Change

Making a change can be scary.  I made a really big change this past week and I was so scared that it will not turn out the way I would like it to, but if you don’t take a risk you will not get the results.  I hear over and over again all the one liners about change “Big risk = big reward”, “if you do what you have always done, you always get what you always got”.  Change is scary; I don’t ever remember hearing what people really thing about change, just a cute reply about how they like change, but in reality change sucks, but it happens.

I moved to a new city, in a new state, this weekend.  I am over six hours from my family, in a city where I know few people, and I am scared out of my mind.  I am not scared for my safety, but I took a big risk leaving everything and everyone I know. For the first time I have to stand on my own and make a name for myself and that is scary.

I know that I am smart, and I am funny ,and that I have a good heart; and know that anyone would be lucky to have me work for their company, or be their friend; but how to do I go about doing that?  What it all comes down to is knowing that I am awesome, and just sharing my gifts with the world.  The other thing I need to remember is that if I put the idea out there that I am going to have a bunch of friends and a wonderful job, I will get a bunch of friends and a wonderful job.

Change is scary, but it can also be rewarding.  I have been by myself in a new city for a day, and I have been able to choose what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it.  I walked to the library this morning, a wonderful way to start my day in MARCH (sorry I’m a Minnesota girl forever, always think there should be snow and mud all over in March). I cannot tell you how amazing it is to know that I am going to spend all day at the library – I never would have done this in my old town.   I know that I want to do some research on where I am living, and read and be around people, thus the library; I knew people and things about my old town so I never needed to take an adventure at the library.

You can make a change too.  Maybe you don’t want to move, maybe you just want to try to look for a new job, or take a class outside your major, or just talk to that cute girl in biology.  You write you own story and you can change the way the story is going if you don’t like it, or if you feel like it is missing something.  Change isn’t easy, and sometimes it doesn’t go the way you would like it to- but you can do it.  You can make any change you want to big or small, you can do it, and you can change your stars!

I loved my life in Minnesota, but I know I am going to love my life here.  Change doesn’t have to come from something that is missing, or something that isn’t going well, change can just be a new challenge.  Change is whatever you want it to be, and change is about you, not about what someone else wants you to be. Let me know what you want to change- I am interested.  Send me an email and I will help you start on the path to make your change. You can do it!

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

lyndsay@andconfidence.com

You've got a friend in me

Do you ever look at the people in your life and just becoming in awe of how amazing they are?  I am making a big move this week and had a going away party so I could see my friends before I left.  Not only did I have more people show up then I had ever dreamed up; but the people who came were the people that are my true friends.  I had friends that I had not seen in over a year come to wish me luck, and I know that these are the friends that I could call in the middle of the night if anything was wrong.

I tend to think that my friends are the people that I see every day, or the ones that I talk to regularly.  But after this weekend I know who my close friends are.  Close friends will drive and hour and a half out of their way to get another person who can’t drive and bring them to your party.  Not only does the drive make them a close friend, but the fact that they didn’t tell you they had to do it, makes me love them even more.  A close friend drives to see you one last time, changing their plans and to top it off, kicks off their birthday with you.  A close friend is someone that you know loves you even if you they don’t say it. 

By no means am I saying that I don’t love my friends that were not able to make it this weekend, because I know that they still love me, but sometimes life gets in the way.  As I sat at the table on Saturday night and looked at those around me I felt so much love, joy, and gratitude for those who had made me a priority in their life.  And for that I am forever grateful.

After being able to hold this feeling I have become to question what type of friend do I want to be?  I have always prided myself on having a lot of friends and if I didn’t see them in a while it didn’t matter because we would pick up right where we left off.   I still believe that this is a good thing to have, but I want to try and become a better friend myself.  I want be the friend that will drive a long time to see the other friend – but for no reason.  I want to be the friend that gets called in the middle of the night because they know that I am always there for me.  I want to be the friend that I saw when I looked around me on Saturday night.

What kind of friends do you have, and what kind of friend are you being?  I know that I have had friends in the past that were not allowing me to live my future.  I challenge you to look at the people you have in your life and see what they are doing to increase the value you have in your life.  I am not telling you to stop talking to your friends- just take an inventory to see who is giving you what you want from the relationship you have with them, and who is not.  You have control over your life, don’t let your friends bring you down.  You have so many people that love you, surround you with those that life you up and give you more energy.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

Write your story

A family friend recommended a book to me that I am in love with.  I usually don’t read; I’m pretty sure my little brother didn’t think I could read until I was in college- that’s how much I read.   Yesterday I was sitting in a coffee shop reading this book and I read a sentence that made me want to go up to the stranger next to me to talk to them about it – I found it an amazing concept: “No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her. She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.”

Here is a little back story.  A guy in the book was worried about his daughter because she was hanging out with an icky guy.  He had tried to yell at her, and ground her and all that jazz, but it wasn’t working.  Don (the main character) had said that this girl was living a bad story right now, and this dad got to thinking about the story he had written for those in his life.

I thought that this was such an astounding idea – we write the story we want to live.  We all have villains, and price charming, and are waiting for the musical number; but who casts the story.  I know that there are people that I have decided that I am not going to like without even knowing them; I cast them in a certain role before I even knew what I had done.

The real question is who are you allowing to write your story, and whose story do you have a role in.  When we are young we tend to let others write our stories; parents, teachers, friends.  As we become adults we take charge of our story and decide how we want the story to end.  Have you taken control of your story, or are you still playing out a plot that someone else has written for you.

In the past I have talked about labels and I think that this has some overlap.  We rarely place labels on ourselves, typically labels are placed upon us and we choose to execute them – we are participating in someone else’s story for us.  When we choose to not fit the stereotype of a label is when we begin to write our own story.

Now I am not telling you to sit down and plot out the next sixty years of your life in one afternoon; but I challenge to sit down and think about what you really want.  Take control of the story line, crate your own plot, and cast your story.  What I believe is the best part to writing your own story is that it can change, I mean they make sequels and prequels to books all the time, you can do the same thing!  If you don’t like the way the plot is going, you have the power to change it.

Writing your own story isn’t easy; that’s why so many people just live the story someone else has written for them. The hardest part may be the action step.  We sit and daydream about what we want out life to be, the way we wish our story was going; but how many people actually turn that dream into action.  When you are a member of a family your stories overlap, and if you change your story it may change the family’s story, and sometimes it is just easier to go with the story that has been written for than to create your own story.

People are ever changing, as should their story.  Take a look at your story and see if you like how it is playing out; if you do not, what are you going to do to re-write it.  You life is your own, make it your story that one that you want to it to be.  You have the lead role in your life, stop playing a supporting role.  Take control of you story and play it out the way you want it to be.  Live happily ever after.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

I've got the music in me!

I love music.  Music is how I relate to the world.  If I am sad I find a song that makes me feel better, or helps express the sad feelings I have.  Same goes for if I am happy.  I have a whole playlist dedicated to getting me excited, and one that makes me feel productive.  I have a song for everything; give me a feeling or an experience and I will give you a song.  I can tell you that “iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls reminds me of my eighth grade crush, and anything by Stacie Orrico reminds me of a road trip with my best friend my senior year of high school.

I associate everything with music.  I have also found that when I don’t know how ia m felling, or how to express myself I find a song that helps me.  This is a technique that I have also started using with my coaching clients.  Sometimes we know how we feel but we just can’t vocalize it or even turn it into a complete thought.

When I cannot even tell how I am feeling I listen to some of my favorite artists – typically John Mayer- and wait for the words to speak to me.  This is something that has really helped me and I think it would also help you.  I challenge you to take some time out of your day and find a song to associate with it.   Here is an example: When I am feeling like I just don’t fit in I listen to Jason Mraz – Geek in the Pink.  I love this song and I can totally relate to it.  You may not have any emotion to that song, and you know what it’s totally fine!  You get to choose the way to feel about a song, and just because I like it doesn’t mean you will.

Do you ever have to tell someone hoe you feel but you can’t find the words?  Try finding s song that helps describe the way you feel – you will be amazed at how much this can help a situation.  I know that when I have a crush on someone I wish they would hear a certain song because than they would know how I feel about them.  Or I am angry… you get the picture. 

Today’s challenge is to start a music journal.  Anytime you have a strong feeling or don’t know how to explain yourself, write it down and find a song later in the day that reminds you of that feeling.  Once you have the song picked out let me know!  Email me your song, and I will tell you the next step in this process. 

Sometimes the best thing we can do is take a step back and let the moment pass before we react; by having a music journal it allows you to do just that.  You have the power to control your feelings, and associate meaning to songs.  With these two techniques you will be amazed at how you can change your reactions.

I can’t wait to hear your songs!

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

lyndsay@andconfidence.com

A Frog Hat & Mardi Gras Mask

Yesterday was an amazing day for me. Nothing really special happened but when I look back at the event over the last 24 hours I can name a bunch of really cool things that happened. When most people say they had an amazing day, it means that something crazy happened: they won the lottery, had a baby, got married or went to space; but amazing can be so much more. 

Minnesota is cold in February.  It’s not the tundra as some may believe but it is cold.  When I woke up yesterday I heard birds chirping for the first time this year.  This is amazing because I forgot how much I love the sounds of summer and once you hear the birds it means that the warm weather is coming.

After lying in bed for a bit listening to the sounds of spring (mind you it snowed here last night); I got out of bed and went to work.  I had worked a ten hour day the day before, but I got up and was there on time and with a smile on my face.  Was going to work what I wanted to do yesterday, not really, but I am happy to have a job that pays my bills. 

While at work I got to meet some really cool people and enjoy my ability to laugh and things that happen around me.  Sometimes it is the little things that add up to make an experience enjoyable.  Yesterday I heard two little girls pretending to be dogs and they just started barking; a little girl was running around in a frog hat and Mardi gras mask.  You have to be able to laugh at the crazy or you may just miss it.

Live entertainment always makes that day go faster, as well as being able to leave work early; awesome event number 14! After work I ran some errands including going to the bank and paying off one of my loans.  It may not sound like the most amazing thing to do, but I can’t even explain to you how it feels to know that I no longer have that payment every month. To celebrate I bought myself a cookie, with a LOT of frosting.

Nothing really compares to the sugar rush you get from butter cream.  After eating my cooking I went to help a friend with one of the groups that she runs.  I stayed there for four hours volunteering with kids who have been in out of home placement.  I truly enjoy this experience because I get to help kids just by having conversations with them and being a role model for them.  We made vision boards, and it was interesting to see what the kids placed on their boards.   My board had a wedding ring on it, and babies, and traveling and clothes that I would wear when I got my business to its highest level.  The kids had pictures of cars, and professional athletes; I spent a lot of time asking the kids where they wanted to live, what they wanted to be when they grow up.  I found it so interesting that some of these kids haven’t ever thought about what is in their future.  It is truly amazing when you see the light bulb turn on when they start to believe that they can accomplish their dreams.

After working with these kids, I went and did some filming for the organization that provides funding for the program I had just volunteered at.  One of the great things about living in small town is the ability to work with one group, and go to another group that funded it, has employees that used to work there, or may have a kid in the program.  I volunteer for five hours yesterday and enjoyed it all.  When I told a co-worker that I would be doing my volunteer work yesterday, she said she was sorry for me – but how can you feel sorry for someone who is making a difference?

None of these things alone seem that amazing, but when you put them all together it become a truly awesome day.  Take a look at what you have accomplished in the last 24 hours, I am sure it is more that you could imagine.  I rarely take a look at the really cool things I actually do every day that come as second nature to me.  Look at everything you do, and how amazing you really are.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

follow me on twitter @andconfidence