4 am Wake Up Call

Last week I had the opportunity to speak to an amazing group of women, and it was honestly the most fun I have had in a long time.  My big sister from my sorority asked me to come and speak to a group she is in; this was an amazing opportunity to speak to a new group of people and share my story with them, the down side- I work full time (the event was on a work day) and it was at 9 am (I live four over 4 hours away). I could have turned it down, saying I couldn't get work off, or that it was too far of a drive, but sometimes we do crazy things for the ones that support us- so I said yes.

I got up at 4 am and started driving to the middle of Wisconsin; it was dark the first 3 hours of my drive.  Now, I could have been really grumpy about this. By no means would anyone ever describe me as a morning person. I strongly believe if you are up at 4 am it should be because you are still having fun from the night before. Needless to say I could have made this the worst road trip ever; but I chose to see this is a positive light. I was able to take the first few hours of my trip and listen to music that I like with no commercials (thank you spotify), I actually got to listen to the lyrics and found new meanings in songs that I have never actually listened to.

After driving for a few hours I stopped at my favorite fast food restaurant and grabbed breakfast; this is a treat I allow myself anytime I am on the road; I go to a restaurant that isn’t by my house, so it’s a special treat just for road trips.  After I got back on the highway with the best breakfast sandwich ever invented the sun started to rise.

As the sun was coming up I saw one of my favorite things, FALL!  I live in Chicago and we don’t have trees here – not the kinds that turn colors and look like they have been painted. I am driving down the highway and I have an old barn to my left and a flock of sheep to my right and the road is in between two bluffs that are covers in maple trees that have turned orange and red and yellow. Did I mention there was fog; it was like driving through a painting! I never would have seen this beautiful sight if I had not had been asked to speak to these amazing women.

Sometimes we struggle looking for the good in the things that are happening to us, I could have been so angry and bitter that I had to get out of bed; instead I got to experience the true beauty in nature and I met an awesome group of women. Having the ability to take what could be a hard situation and looking to find the positive in it is a skill that everyone has- some people are just better at it than others.  Just like any other skill, shooting free throws, knitting, or dancing, you have to practice. 

It takes a lot of practice to become good at seeing the positive in a bad situation, and this is something that I still struggle with.  Some days it is  easier than others, and in some situations it is really hard to see the good things. I encourage you to have a few people in your circle who are great at seeing the positive, so when you are struggling seeing it yourself you have someone you can talk to who can point out the good to you.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason; some events just take longer for the good to appear.  I also believe that at times you need to be angry, or hurt, or upset; you need to get it out of your system so you can get past that emotion to see the good in the situation.  Having the ability to move from anger to a positive emotion is what will allow you to move past the event and move your life forward instead of dwelling on the negative events.

Remember, this is a skill and it will take time to develop this skill – so don’t force it. Don’t compare your ability to someone else’s ability, and if you need help don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust. Don’t let a 4 am wake-up call make you so angry that you miss the beauty that is going on around you.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay 

The beatings will continue until morale improves...

When I was five years old my dad developed a program that helped improve school morale.  This program not only changed the atmosphere of the school he was working it, but it changed our lives and the lives of people throughout the country.  Morale is something that I have always valued, but never actually known because it has always been a part of my life.  I remember spending weekends in the high school gym when I was young helping decorate for pep rallies, then when I was older and a member of the program he started I spent many, many, hours planning events to honor alumna,  recognized students and show appreciation to the school staff.

I have always thought that recognizing people is important, and that you will get people to work harder for you, and be happier about going to work, when they enjoy walking in the door every day.  It doesn't sound like this is a hard concept - but through my experience I have found that this is not the case; and sadly, I think the complete opposite is actually the norm.

I spent three years working for a company that did not make me feel like I was worth anything. I never felt like I was working hard enough, putting in enough hours, to doing anything correct – for three years I felt horrible. The worst part about this situation is that most of my co-workers felt the same way.  Yesterday a former co-worker told me that she was leaving the company, and my reaction was to congratulate her on leaving, not on getting a new position, but on being brave enough to finally leave a place that was making her questions her self-worth.

When we are young, especially my generation, we have always been told that we are special, that we are doing a good job, and given rewards if we accomplish a goal.  Now, I am not asking to get a sticker for doing a good job on my paperwork, but having someone recognize the extra work you are putting in would actually make me work harder. The previous two companies I worked for would bring in lunch on occasion to “thank us” for the hard work we did, but we would then be accepted to work through our lunch, meaning we would be working an 8+ hour day without a break… that is not my idea of a reward.

Some may say that a promotion is the adult version of going to the store and being able to pick out the prize you have earned… but what happens then they say they can’t promote you because you have the top position in your department, but then they create a new position that is above you, without your knowledge, and don’t even consider you for that said position. Again, this type of action does not improve morale. I can tell you from person experience that it is hard to go to work every day when your bosses tell you one thing, then do the complete opposite – why would anyone want to work in that type of situation.

Now I am certain that there are actually companies out there that do make you feel special and make you want to go to work every day – and no you don’t have to work for Google. I currently work for a small company that tells me on a regular basis that I am doing a good job – and that is honestly all it takes.   I wonder what the corporate world would be like if the people in management actually thanked their employees and made them feel like the company needed them to walk through the door because they help make the company a better place, instead of treating their employees like another piece of machinery.

Going to work every day doesn't have to be something that you dread – it should be something that you enjoy. If you are working for a company that makes you not want to get out of bed in the morning, I am telling there are other companies out there that are dying to have you work for them- be brave and start looking for something new. You are an amazing person and you should never have to question that because the company you are working for doesn't appreciate you.  You are smart, you are strong, you are brave, and you deserve to be happy.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

200 pounds

Over the past few weeks, I feel as if weight has been in the media more than usual.  A certain CEO of a company that I have refused to shop at for many years made it clear that if you are fat you are “not cool.” Prior to that, a photographer was featured on yahoo about what it is like to be fat and how hard it can be; but then the slideshow ended showing her with her boyfriend that she met after she lost weight. And this morning I hear on the radio that a famous person was over 200 pounds when she gave birth to her son, this was said in a manner that made it sounds like being over 200 pounds is disgusting – I am going to tell you something that I have told very few people; I have weighed over 200 pound since I graduated from high school – and you know what, I am a good person.

I don’t know when it happened, for me I think it was some time in middle school, when I started to think that I was fat.  Now, I wasn’t fat at that time, but I was bigger than my friends so that made me fat. For most of my life I have been comfortable in my own skin, part of that is because I was on the swim team and a life guard so I spent a lot of time during my teenage years in a swim suit; but while I was guarding I was in a one piece because I thought I was too fat to wear the bikini the other girls my age were wearing.  I don’t know where I got this idea, but it was there, and I still struggle with it.

My weight has fluctuated over the years, and my confidence has fluctuated as well.  It takes a big blow to your self-esteem when you go shopping with your friends but you can’t really shop in the same stores because the store only carries up to a size 14; but you can order the bigger sizes on-line.  Apparently if you are over a 14 you don’t want to try on your clothes before you buy them. Or I could shop in plus size stores that have decided that women that are bigger would prefer to wear something that makes you look like you have just draped yourself with fabric.

Many stores have gotten better over the years and carrying more sizes, and there are more stores, such as Torrid (have to give them a shout out as they are great for trendy clothes) that have made it possible to look like I haven’t been shopping in the same store as my grandma.  My question is, why do I have to shop in a different store than my friends when a majority of the population wears over a size 12?

If you were to ask my friends to describe me I hope they would say that I am a nice person, I am a loving person, I am an accepting person, and that I am good person to talk to.  I don’t think any of them would say “She is really nice, but she is fat.”  I don’t know when we started to value our self-worth by the size of our clothes and not the size of our hearts.

I currently work in HR and I am always amazed when I call and make reference calls to ask about the person’s work ethic and they mention something such as “She dresses really well for a bigger person;” or “She has high energy for her size.” When does the way a person looks affect the way they are able to do their job?  These comments make me feel so sad for our society, because for all the progress we have made, being fat is still not socially acceptable.

I challenge all of you to start looking at the people around you with an open heart, and think of the struggles people may be going through that you don’t see. Yes, the person in the cube next to you may be fat, but maybe she has lost a ton of weight and she is so proud of her self for getting healthy.  Or maybe the skinny girl next to you on the bus is struggling with an eating disorder, and hasn’t binged in 3 months!

I hope after reading this you take the time to get to know the people around you for whom they are on the inside, and not judge them by how they look on the outside.  And if you are someone who is struggling with your weight, or your confidence is shaken because of your weight – know that you are not alone and that you are amazing; it doesn’t matter if you are a size 2 or 28, you are a good person.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

naps, glitter, and dance parties

I woke up this morning to thunder and lightning, and the power going out.  I was laying in bed thinking about everything that has happened over the past few weeks and as I was reliving all the awesome events that have happened; and I just got this stupid smile on my face and began to laugh.  Yep, it was 4:30 am (amazing I know) and I was laying in bed laughing.  As I am laughing I decided to get my butt out of bed and write, instead of rolling over and sleeping for a few more hours.
It all stated two weeks ago today, I was on my way to the Jostens Renaissance National Conference.   It took two hours stuck in traffic, a brief layover (aka. SPRINT) through the Atlanta airport, and a grand total of 4 hours in flight before I finally arrived at my hotel at 1:30am, but it was totally worth it.  The conference started with getting my picture taken with the Heisman Trophy, and then I got to wear all four champ rings from last year (Packer, Cardinals, Bruins and Mavericks).  The opening session started with the opportunity to watch my dad on stage in front of 1100 people, not going to lie, watching him speak never gets old.  After my dad was done I got to have front row seats to a Parachute concert.  My sister and I were standing on our chairs singing and dancing, later to find out that everyone in the room could see us and was giggling at us… including the band.
Later that night I was able to go to Disney and wander around with my sister and my dad, it was a wonderful evening. It ended with amazing seats to the fireworks and a bus ride back to the hotel laughing with family friends.  Saturday included a Pep Rally that had a Star Wars theme, so I got to see my brother dressed up like Darth Vader… pretty sure one of his life goals is now compete.  That evening I was able to attend an awards banquet honoring the best teachers in the business, and heard two Congressional Medal of Honor winners speak, truly awesome in every sense of the word.  The night ended with a small gathering in our hotel room with some close family friends, and laughing so hard we cried.
Sunday morning came way too early, a common theme I have noticed at most conferences.  I had the amazing opportunity to have breakfast with Kevin Carroll before his closing session.  If you don’t know who Kevin Carroll is I highly recommend google-ing him today.  Not only is this man an amazing speaker, but he has the ability to inspire me.  Kevin’s message is about remembering how to play, and that we spend so much of our life worrying about how we are going to pay the bills, or how we compare to those around us that we forget to enjoy the ride…
While lying in bed this morning listening to the rain I was thinking about how lucky I have been to be able to play the last few weeks.  I got to attend an amazing conference with many once in a life time events;  last weekend my best friend from high school came to visit me, it was the first time we had seen each other in five years… I was able to have a play date with my best friend.  I have always said that I am a kid at heart, but it wasn’t until this morning that I realized how important remembering to be a kid is to me.  I LOVE TO PLAY, I am good at it, and I am no longer going to be ashamed that I tend to think more like a child than an adult.
I have come to realize how important play is to me.  I am convinced that someday I will have a love story like a Disney Princess, and that having a plan for the Zombie Apocalypse is not time wasted.  I believe having random dance parties in my car so people laugh at me is for the betterment of society, and that a nap can fix everything.  I believe that I should sing along to the song that is playing at the store/coffee shop/movie if I know the words and feel like singing and that pink and glitter are always acceptable.  I believe that  when in doubt asking your parents for advice is a really good idea… even thought the now just tell me that I have to decide for myself, and that my siblings will forever me my best friends, greatest cheerleaders and favorite playmates a girl could ever ask for.
 We spend our childhood wanting to grow up, and then we become adults and wish we could be kids again… why can’t we be both?  I am making a promise to myself to embrace my inner child, because it is the silly things that I listed about me that make me who I am, and if people don’t like the kid in me, than they don’t like who I truly am.  I challenge you to take a look at that five year old that is hidden in you somewhere, let ‘em out for a while and feel how good it is to play, and laugh, and just be goofy.  Don’t let being an adult stop you from remembering to laugh at life like a child.

You have it all & Confidence, 

Lyndsay

step up to the plate

I love a good happy ending; I want to see the couple ride off into the sunset, see the bad guy loose, and see the underdog finally get the girl - what can I say I am a hopeless romantic.  Due to this love of “happily ever after” and that I may have seen one too many Disney movies, I tend to have this idea in my head about what I want in a relationship– but as it turns out I really have no idea what I actually want, and finally coming to the conclusion after twenty plus years that my fairy godmother isn’t going to randomly appear and save the day, has made my dating life rather entertaining.
I can tell stories about dates that you wouldn’t believe, that someday you will all learn about when I write my book.  I have dates that have gone so well that as soon as the date had ended I sent a text to my friends saying I had finally met someone, and I have dates go so poorly that I was wishing that someone would call to let me know that they had been abducted by aliens or something that would have to come to their rescue.  Looking back at these dates I am able to laugh, but at the time I felt as if I was going to be alone forever and turn into a crazy cat lady.
Since moving to Chicago I have met two guys that I thought were amazing. We hit it off, they made me smile and laugh, and we had a lot in common.  Things would go really well for a few weeks, than just like a switch they disappeared into the night.  I didn’t hear from them again, and didn’t see them anymore.  This is when I would start to look internally and try to figure out what I did wrong.  Did I say something or do something that had upset them?  What is it about me that would make men decide that they no longer want to see me;  but instead of letting me know that things were done, they would rather just stop talking to me?  What was wrong with me?
I am sure that there have been times that I have said something to turn a guy off, actually I am rather certain of that, but with the past few guys I am totally clueless. After spending countless hours trying to determine what was wrong with me, and what I was doing to ruin the good thing I had going on I realized something – it has nothing to do with me.
I had dinner tonight with some awesome people that made helped me remember how amazing I really am, like every person I get so caught up in what isn’t going the way I would like it to, that I forget all the truly awesome things I have done.  I am a pretty cool chic, if I do say so myself, and I know that someday I will find a man who believes that I am awesome too.  Sometimes all you need to do is surround yourself with people you love and trust to help you remember who you really are.
After the first guy stopped talking to me my confidence was shaken, I didn’t think that I had anything of real value to share with any one;  how was I to talk about confidence when I didn’t have any.  What I had to learn is that I don’t have to have everything figured out in order to share my thoughts with you all, all I have to do is be willing to learn, and improve myself, and be happy with who I am. Sometimes it is easier said than done, but I am happy with who I am and I know that there is a man out there for me that will also be happy with me.
Sometimes things aren’t going to go your way, and you can either shut down or step up to the plate. For the last few months I have just shut down, but not anymore-because that really isn’t who I am. I’ll step up to the plate and take my chances, because playing the game is more fun than placing yourself on the injured list.
You have it all & Confidence,
Lyndsay

when in doubt- call mom

Home is where your mom is – this is one of my favorite sayings, because it is so true.  This past weekend I flew home for Mother’s Day; not just to celebrate the day with my mom, but also because I needed my mom.  As I have gotten older I have found that some things just won’t get better unless you talk it out with your mom.  Being an adult doesn’t mean that you have everything figured out in your life, it means that you know what you value and are living your life in a way that doesn’t compromise what you believe in; that is a lesson that I learned over the past few weeks.

One of my favorite things to do is hang out with my family, and I have grown to appreciate it even more now that I can’t see my family every day.  For mother’s day my family went on a picnic and I laughed so hard; whenever we get together we are usually laughing so hard that one of us starts crying and this weekend was no different. Not only did we spent a lot of time laughing, but mom had just seen a cool exercise on finding what you value, so she had us all sit down and think about the things that we truly value.

It was amazing to hear what my family put down as what they value, and how we all had similar values, not surprising coming from the same family.  This was really hard for me because I came to realize that I was currently not living my in a way the supports my values.  I had to take some time to look at my life and see what I wanted to do to re-align my life in a way that is true to what I value.

After spending some time at home and being able to be with people who love me, I was able to figure a few things out.  I learned that I truly value volunteering and I need to find a way to add that into my life here in Chicago.  I also remembered what it feels like to be around people who are fun and like to laugh, so I am in the process of finding some new activities that will make feel more connected to my surrounding.

It may have only been a 48 hour trip home, but it was very wonderful. I got to talk to my mom and she helped me figure out what I wanted to do.   It doesn’t matter how old I get, how many books I read, how much schooling I have; my mom is always to help me out and talk me in off the ledge.

Over the last week I have really come to realize what I find important; and that I am in control of what is going on in my life – I have decided to write my story.  Just like everyone else, I have times when I my story is at a standstill.  I had stop writing my story, I was going through the motions but not putting any investment into what I wanted my story to be.  I am lucky to know what I need to do in order to “re-set” my thinking – I just need to spend some time at home and talk with my mom.

Today’s real lesson- know what your re-set button is.  Some people just need to take a nap, other need a vacation, I need my mom.  Once you know what your re-set button is you have the power to start writing your story again, in the way that you intended.  Don’t let life get you down, take a breath, hit the re-set button and when in doubt; call mom.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

Fairy Tales

“Let the wild rumpus begin” is a phrase that all kids under the age of thirty, or parents who have kids under thirty have heard before.   This is just one of many phrases that stick out to me when I think about books I have read or movies I have seen over the years.  I love movies, and I have a special spot in my heart for children’s movies.  My family has told me that I have the same taste in moves as many pre-school aged children; and I have learned to longer take offence to that, but to embrace it.

I have talked before about how we are in charge of writing our own stories; but this can get complicated.  You can think you are writing your story one way and then you get thrown a curve ball, or the chapter you are writing doesn’t turn out the way you had wanted… but this doesn’t happen in children’s movies.  When I watch a Disney movie, I know who the bad guy is, I know that it will end with a happily ever after, I know that the princess will find true love and the bad guy will get what he has coming… this isn’t as easy in real life.

The ability to escape my own reality for a few hours and become amerced in a story is a wonderful feeling.  I was at a movie last night that wasn’t a kid’s movie but it still had the same aspects- I knew who the bad guy was, I knew who the good guys were, and I knew that they were going to save the day. Yes the movie had some plot turns, but I was able to sit in the theater and forget about the stress going on in my life.  For two plus hours I was able to watch the good guys win, and sometimes in reality the good guy doesn’t always win.

As we grow older it tends to be frowned upon to enjoy fairytales and movies for kids- but a movie came out this past weekend that is pretty much a fairy tale for adults, and it did VERY well at the box office.  I love my ability to still enjoy kids movies, that I am still able to find the joy that are in these pictures and that I haven’t let my life experiences jade me from enjoying the more simple things in life.  I still get excited when a new Disney movie comes out, and if it is a princess movie- I pretty much start a countdown until the release date.

Some people may see my love children’s movies as naive and immature, but I see it as a success.  I was able to grow up, have my heart broken, worked in the “real world”, lived with people, lived by myself – I was able to become an adult and I am still able to see the good in the world.  There are days when I know that the only think that will make my day better is to watch “The Princess Bride.” I have found a way to allow myself to process my own story that is in a non-destructive way, that doesn’t hurt me or anyone else.

We all have our own ways of writing our stories, and processing what is happening in our story.  I challenge you to take a step away from your story occasionally, and let your mind enjoy a different story for a few hours – I think you will be surprised what may learn in that short period of time.  I know I have watched movies before and come up with new ideas about how I wanted to write my story, or how to deal with a certain chapter that wasn’t going the way I wanted.

Enjoy writing your own story, but don’t forget to allow some whimsy into your story- because what we are all really looking for is the “happily ever after.”

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay