200 pounds

Over the past few weeks, I feel as if weight has been in the media more than usual.  A certain CEO of a company that I have refused to shop at for many years made it clear that if you are fat you are “not cool.” Prior to that, a photographer was featured on yahoo about what it is like to be fat and how hard it can be; but then the slideshow ended showing her with her boyfriend that she met after she lost weight. And this morning I hear on the radio that a famous person was over 200 pounds when she gave birth to her son, this was said in a manner that made it sounds like being over 200 pounds is disgusting – I am going to tell you something that I have told very few people; I have weighed over 200 pound since I graduated from high school – and you know what, I am a good person.

I don’t know when it happened, for me I think it was some time in middle school, when I started to think that I was fat.  Now, I wasn’t fat at that time, but I was bigger than my friends so that made me fat. For most of my life I have been comfortable in my own skin, part of that is because I was on the swim team and a life guard so I spent a lot of time during my teenage years in a swim suit; but while I was guarding I was in a one piece because I thought I was too fat to wear the bikini the other girls my age were wearing.  I don’t know where I got this idea, but it was there, and I still struggle with it.

My weight has fluctuated over the years, and my confidence has fluctuated as well.  It takes a big blow to your self-esteem when you go shopping with your friends but you can’t really shop in the same stores because the store only carries up to a size 14; but you can order the bigger sizes on-line.  Apparently if you are over a 14 you don’t want to try on your clothes before you buy them. Or I could shop in plus size stores that have decided that women that are bigger would prefer to wear something that makes you look like you have just draped yourself with fabric.

Many stores have gotten better over the years and carrying more sizes, and there are more stores, such as Torrid (have to give them a shout out as they are great for trendy clothes) that have made it possible to look like I haven’t been shopping in the same store as my grandma.  My question is, why do I have to shop in a different store than my friends when a majority of the population wears over a size 12?

If you were to ask my friends to describe me I hope they would say that I am a nice person, I am a loving person, I am an accepting person, and that I am good person to talk to.  I don’t think any of them would say “She is really nice, but she is fat.”  I don’t know when we started to value our self-worth by the size of our clothes and not the size of our hearts.

I currently work in HR and I am always amazed when I call and make reference calls to ask about the person’s work ethic and they mention something such as “She dresses really well for a bigger person;” or “She has high energy for her size.” When does the way a person looks affect the way they are able to do their job?  These comments make me feel so sad for our society, because for all the progress we have made, being fat is still not socially acceptable.

I challenge all of you to start looking at the people around you with an open heart, and think of the struggles people may be going through that you don’t see. Yes, the person in the cube next to you may be fat, but maybe she has lost a ton of weight and she is so proud of her self for getting healthy.  Or maybe the skinny girl next to you on the bus is struggling with an eating disorder, and hasn’t binged in 3 months!

I hope after reading this you take the time to get to know the people around you for whom they are on the inside, and not judge them by how they look on the outside.  And if you are someone who is struggling with your weight, or your confidence is shaken because of your weight – know that you are not alone and that you are amazing; it doesn’t matter if you are a size 2 or 28, you are a good person.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay