4 am Wake Up Call

Last week I had the opportunity to speak to an amazing group of women, and it was honestly the most fun I have had in a long time.  My big sister from my sorority asked me to come and speak to a group she is in; this was an amazing opportunity to speak to a new group of people and share my story with them, the down side- I work full time (the event was on a work day) and it was at 9 am (I live four over 4 hours away). I could have turned it down, saying I couldn't get work off, or that it was too far of a drive, but sometimes we do crazy things for the ones that support us- so I said yes.

I got up at 4 am and started driving to the middle of Wisconsin; it was dark the first 3 hours of my drive.  Now, I could have been really grumpy about this. By no means would anyone ever describe me as a morning person. I strongly believe if you are up at 4 am it should be because you are still having fun from the night before. Needless to say I could have made this the worst road trip ever; but I chose to see this is a positive light. I was able to take the first few hours of my trip and listen to music that I like with no commercials (thank you spotify), I actually got to listen to the lyrics and found new meanings in songs that I have never actually listened to.

After driving for a few hours I stopped at my favorite fast food restaurant and grabbed breakfast; this is a treat I allow myself anytime I am on the road; I go to a restaurant that isn’t by my house, so it’s a special treat just for road trips.  After I got back on the highway with the best breakfast sandwich ever invented the sun started to rise.

As the sun was coming up I saw one of my favorite things, FALL!  I live in Chicago and we don’t have trees here – not the kinds that turn colors and look like they have been painted. I am driving down the highway and I have an old barn to my left and a flock of sheep to my right and the road is in between two bluffs that are covers in maple trees that have turned orange and red and yellow. Did I mention there was fog; it was like driving through a painting! I never would have seen this beautiful sight if I had not had been asked to speak to these amazing women.

Sometimes we struggle looking for the good in the things that are happening to us, I could have been so angry and bitter that I had to get out of bed; instead I got to experience the true beauty in nature and I met an awesome group of women. Having the ability to take what could be a hard situation and looking to find the positive in it is a skill that everyone has- some people are just better at it than others.  Just like any other skill, shooting free throws, knitting, or dancing, you have to practice. 

It takes a lot of practice to become good at seeing the positive in a bad situation, and this is something that I still struggle with.  Some days it is  easier than others, and in some situations it is really hard to see the good things. I encourage you to have a few people in your circle who are great at seeing the positive, so when you are struggling seeing it yourself you have someone you can talk to who can point out the good to you.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason; some events just take longer for the good to appear.  I also believe that at times you need to be angry, or hurt, or upset; you need to get it out of your system so you can get past that emotion to see the good in the situation.  Having the ability to move from anger to a positive emotion is what will allow you to move past the event and move your life forward instead of dwelling on the negative events.

Remember, this is a skill and it will take time to develop this skill – so don’t force it. Don’t compare your ability to someone else’s ability, and if you need help don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust. Don’t let a 4 am wake-up call make you so angry that you miss the beauty that is going on around you.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay 

The beatings will continue until morale improves...

When I was five years old my dad developed a program that helped improve school morale.  This program not only changed the atmosphere of the school he was working it, but it changed our lives and the lives of people throughout the country.  Morale is something that I have always valued, but never actually known because it has always been a part of my life.  I remember spending weekends in the high school gym when I was young helping decorate for pep rallies, then when I was older and a member of the program he started I spent many, many, hours planning events to honor alumna,  recognized students and show appreciation to the school staff.

I have always thought that recognizing people is important, and that you will get people to work harder for you, and be happier about going to work, when they enjoy walking in the door every day.  It doesn't sound like this is a hard concept - but through my experience I have found that this is not the case; and sadly, I think the complete opposite is actually the norm.

I spent three years working for a company that did not make me feel like I was worth anything. I never felt like I was working hard enough, putting in enough hours, to doing anything correct – for three years I felt horrible. The worst part about this situation is that most of my co-workers felt the same way.  Yesterday a former co-worker told me that she was leaving the company, and my reaction was to congratulate her on leaving, not on getting a new position, but on being brave enough to finally leave a place that was making her questions her self-worth.

When we are young, especially my generation, we have always been told that we are special, that we are doing a good job, and given rewards if we accomplish a goal.  Now, I am not asking to get a sticker for doing a good job on my paperwork, but having someone recognize the extra work you are putting in would actually make me work harder. The previous two companies I worked for would bring in lunch on occasion to “thank us” for the hard work we did, but we would then be accepted to work through our lunch, meaning we would be working an 8+ hour day without a break… that is not my idea of a reward.

Some may say that a promotion is the adult version of going to the store and being able to pick out the prize you have earned… but what happens then they say they can’t promote you because you have the top position in your department, but then they create a new position that is above you, without your knowledge, and don’t even consider you for that said position. Again, this type of action does not improve morale. I can tell you from person experience that it is hard to go to work every day when your bosses tell you one thing, then do the complete opposite – why would anyone want to work in that type of situation.

Now I am certain that there are actually companies out there that do make you feel special and make you want to go to work every day – and no you don’t have to work for Google. I currently work for a small company that tells me on a regular basis that I am doing a good job – and that is honestly all it takes.   I wonder what the corporate world would be like if the people in management actually thanked their employees and made them feel like the company needed them to walk through the door because they help make the company a better place, instead of treating their employees like another piece of machinery.

Going to work every day doesn't have to be something that you dread – it should be something that you enjoy. If you are working for a company that makes you not want to get out of bed in the morning, I am telling there are other companies out there that are dying to have you work for them- be brave and start looking for something new. You are an amazing person and you should never have to question that because the company you are working for doesn't appreciate you.  You are smart, you are strong, you are brave, and you deserve to be happy.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay

200 pounds

Over the past few weeks, I feel as if weight has been in the media more than usual.  A certain CEO of a company that I have refused to shop at for many years made it clear that if you are fat you are “not cool.” Prior to that, a photographer was featured on yahoo about what it is like to be fat and how hard it can be; but then the slideshow ended showing her with her boyfriend that she met after she lost weight. And this morning I hear on the radio that a famous person was over 200 pounds when she gave birth to her son, this was said in a manner that made it sounds like being over 200 pounds is disgusting – I am going to tell you something that I have told very few people; I have weighed over 200 pound since I graduated from high school – and you know what, I am a good person.

I don’t know when it happened, for me I think it was some time in middle school, when I started to think that I was fat.  Now, I wasn’t fat at that time, but I was bigger than my friends so that made me fat. For most of my life I have been comfortable in my own skin, part of that is because I was on the swim team and a life guard so I spent a lot of time during my teenage years in a swim suit; but while I was guarding I was in a one piece because I thought I was too fat to wear the bikini the other girls my age were wearing.  I don’t know where I got this idea, but it was there, and I still struggle with it.

My weight has fluctuated over the years, and my confidence has fluctuated as well.  It takes a big blow to your self-esteem when you go shopping with your friends but you can’t really shop in the same stores because the store only carries up to a size 14; but you can order the bigger sizes on-line.  Apparently if you are over a 14 you don’t want to try on your clothes before you buy them. Or I could shop in plus size stores that have decided that women that are bigger would prefer to wear something that makes you look like you have just draped yourself with fabric.

Many stores have gotten better over the years and carrying more sizes, and there are more stores, such as Torrid (have to give them a shout out as they are great for trendy clothes) that have made it possible to look like I haven’t been shopping in the same store as my grandma.  My question is, why do I have to shop in a different store than my friends when a majority of the population wears over a size 12?

If you were to ask my friends to describe me I hope they would say that I am a nice person, I am a loving person, I am an accepting person, and that I am good person to talk to.  I don’t think any of them would say “She is really nice, but she is fat.”  I don’t know when we started to value our self-worth by the size of our clothes and not the size of our hearts.

I currently work in HR and I am always amazed when I call and make reference calls to ask about the person’s work ethic and they mention something such as “She dresses really well for a bigger person;” or “She has high energy for her size.” When does the way a person looks affect the way they are able to do their job?  These comments make me feel so sad for our society, because for all the progress we have made, being fat is still not socially acceptable.

I challenge all of you to start looking at the people around you with an open heart, and think of the struggles people may be going through that you don’t see. Yes, the person in the cube next to you may be fat, but maybe she has lost a ton of weight and she is so proud of her self for getting healthy.  Or maybe the skinny girl next to you on the bus is struggling with an eating disorder, and hasn’t binged in 3 months!

I hope after reading this you take the time to get to know the people around you for whom they are on the inside, and not judge them by how they look on the outside.  And if you are someone who is struggling with your weight, or your confidence is shaken because of your weight – know that you are not alone and that you are amazing; it doesn’t matter if you are a size 2 or 28, you are a good person.

You have it all & Confidence,

Lyndsay